Even Hats Get Sick
by My-Patronus-Is-Darren-Criss
Summary: It's the next generation! Yay! Hugo and Lily are about to start their first year at Hogwarts, but what happens when they're both put in the one house they detest? And how will Scorpius handle not being a 'true Slytherin? Told by Rose and Scorpius (they're romantically involved) as they try to find out what's wrong with the Sorting Hat, and prevent Hugo blowing up the school.
1. Hugo's Finally Told (And he flips out)

Chapter 1- Rose

I sat in the carriage, staring at Hugo. He was positively trembling with excitement. Honestly, he was just making a fool of himself. Being so excited to get to school! It was pathetic.  
He had got up at three in the morning that day, and he woke me up by jumping around.  
"I'm going to Hogwarts! I'm going to Hogwarts! I'm finally going to learn to do magic!" he yelled, until I threw his Transfiguration textbook at him.  
Even then, he insisted on arriving at Kings Cross twenty minutes early. The Potters hadn't even arrived yet!  
Eventually Lily and James walked in. Hugo and Lily sat together, both buzzing.  
James gave a smile that most of the sixth year girls found 'hot'.  
"Where's Scorpius?" I asked.  
"Why?" Lily rebutted my question with a question.  
"Um, because he is the same age to me! I was wondering about out OWLS and-"  
Lily went back into her argument with Hugo.  
"I'm not saying you WON'T be in Gryffindor, I'm just saying that if you WERE to be in Ravenclaw it wouldn't be so bad!"  
"No! I am going to be a Gryffindor, like my parents!"  
I tuned out. My brother had an unhealthy obsession to be just like our parents. Unfortunately, there were no Dark Lords or whatever left to destroy.  
I sat for a while, watching James read a textbook. What a know-it-all!  
Soon the man from the sweet trolley rolled up.  
"D'youwantanyhing?" He asked, and I shook my head.  
"Me please!" Hugo said, and gave him a sickle for sweets. The last thing Hugo needed was sugar.  
"Thank you, Mr Goyle," James smiled, and the tall man left.  
I picked up my trunk and left to get changed into my robes. When I walked back into the carriage, Scorpius was there.  
"Hullo, Rose."  
"Hi, Scorpius. How are-"  
"What is THAT?!" I was interrupted by Hugo pointing at me with a look of horror on his face.  
"It's a tie, Hugo, you'll be getting one too."  
"But- but- but it's- it's not Gryffindor!"  
I sighed. Somehow my parents had forgotten to mention to him that I wasn't Gryffindor.  
"No, Hugo, it's not. It's Hufflepuff."  
"What the hell is a Hufflepuff?!"


	2. I Get A Hot Date With Bubotubers

Scorpius  
I said goodbye to my parents early and got straight on the train. The reason I was so late getting into the carriage was an obstruction in the form of Corbett Zabini. He cornered me on the way along the train.  
"Where you going, blondie? The Slytherin cabin's right here!" He leaned over me, breathing the smell of buckfast in my face. Despite being the year below, he still towered over me. He grabbed the edge of my robes and pushed me into his carriage, where lots of Slytherins leered at me.  
"Where were you going, Malfoy? Of with your little blood traitors are we?" One of the prefects stood up. "Thanks to their parents, mine are in Azkaban."  
He cracked his knuckles, took his wand out, pointed it at me and I stood there petrified.  
…Petrified…  
That's it! In a flash of inspiration I took my wand out of my pocket, yelled "Petrificus Totalus!" and the sixth year stiffened and fell.  
I only realised that might have been quite stupid when I had fifteen older Slytherins pointing wands at me. Thankfully, at that moment I heard the carriage door open and felt a warm hand on my shoulder.  
"Now, boys, you don't want a detention with me and the bubotubers before term's even started, do we?"  
I turned around to see Professor Longbottom staring at Corbett and his friends severely.  
"Look, Professor! Look what Malfoy did, he petrified Flint!" Corbett said, pointing at me.  
Great.  
"Is that true, Mr. Malfoy?" Longbottom asked, and I slowly nodded, trying to show my deep remorse and also hoping to avoid a Saturday night covered in plant pus.  
"You all now the rules, no combative magic is to be used outside of Defence Against The Dark Arts or in self-defence.  
"But it was self defence!" I protested, "Flint was about to curse me!"  
Then everyone else in the carriage erupted into furious protests, and Longbottom struggled to calm then down. In the end he used a spell, one I hadn't learnt yet but in that moment vowed to ask Patil how to do it, because everyone fell silent, but their mouth still moved.  
"I love that spell." Longbottom whispered to me, "Not only does it make them quiet, but they still think I hear them!"  
I laughed, but his face turned serious, and he raised his wand. Suddenly the carriage was full of noise again.  
"Yes, yes!" Called Longbottom, "I have heard all you have to say!" He winked at me, "And I have made my decision. Mr Malfoy will have a detention with me…"  
Everyone cheered, except me, who groaned.  
"But so will Mr Zabini and Mr Flint!"  
At that the shouts started again. Merlin's beard, those Slytherins are loud, aren't they?  
"Now, let's go and enjoy the train ride." Longbottom opened the door and steered me out into the corridor.  
"I promised your dad you wouldn't get in any trouble." His face was stern.  
"It wasn't my fault, they cornered me! They said I wasn't a true Slytherin!" I replied, and his expression softened.  
"Just because you're a decent person? Look, being a Slytherin means being smart and ambitious, not a dick. And if you want to spend time with friends from other houses then you should do so. It was house hate and a Slytherin's attitude that began the Great Wizarding War, but it was also the bravery of a Slytherin that ended it. Remember that."  
He began to walk away, but I called him back.  
"What house were you?"  
"Gryffindor, obviously, I'm not an asshole!" He said, then walked away.


	3. A Mystery Concerning Paper (And A Dog)

Rose

I realised why my parents didn't tell Hugo I wasn't a Gryffindor. He was lost for words for about ten minutes (finally!) until I had almost forgotten him, then he burst out with, "Why not?! What if I'm not Gryffindor?! Both our parents were!"  
"That's because they were brave in the face of Voldemort, but since he's gone now, I don't need to be. I'm loyal and kind, therefore I am a Hufflepuff."  
He stared, his mouth agape. Scorpius, Albus, Lily and James stared out of the window, bored.  
"But, don't you want to be like our parents?!" He asked, and I sighed.  
"Well you don't really have a choice," I said, and Hugo gasped, "But, no, I don't think it's important what house you're in. Aside from Gryffindor, Hufflepuff had the largest amount of fighters in the Battle of Hogwarts. Also, it was Helga Hufflepuff's idea to have houses in the first place, so without her there wouldn't be a Gryffindor at all!"  
"But… but our parents were Gryffindor!" Hugo said, and I let out an exasperated sigh. I caught Scorpius' eye and he grinned.  
"Hey, Hugo, if you don't watch out, you might even be in… " he gave a fake gasp, " Slytherin!"  
That was the last straw for my little brother. He stood up, his face purple with rage.  
"I WILL NOT BE IN SLYTHERIN! I WILL BE A GRYFFINDOR LIKE MY PARENTS!"  
Albus also stood up, putting his hand on Hugo's shoulder.  
"Calm down. I was worried too on my first day, thanks to James." James waved, giving a smile, "But my dad told me something." Then he whispered something into Hugo's ear, and Hugo turned around and asked, "Really?"  
"That's what he told me, and if you haven't noticed, my tie is red and gold."  
Hugo sat down, slightly less worried looking.  
"What did you tell him?" I asked Albus, but he just put his finger to his lips.  
"You better get changed," I told everyone. They all walked out, leaving me and Scorpius.  
"So, Hugo seems nice and relaxed." He said, and I laughed.  
"He's been like this all summer. Anyway, did you tell your dad?" I asked, and his face darkened.  
"You mean did I turn up one day to Malfoy Manor and go up to my Slytherin, former Death-Eater, pureblood father and say, 'Oh, but the way, I'm friends with the people who put your parents into Azkaban'? Yeah, he would love that! And it's not as if you're being completely honest with your parents!"  
"At least I told my mum!" I retorted, "But you know my dad… in fact, on my first day of Hogwarts he specifically told me, "I'd never forgive you if you married a pureblood.""  
At this Scorpius raised his eyebrows and I blushed as I realised what I just said.  
"No! I didn't mean… no! I just mean that he wouldn't want me to even be friends with you!"  
We sat for a while playing the new set of Exploding Snap that Uncle George invented until everyone came back in.  
Hugo and Lily were wearing their plain robes and ties, which would change to their house colours once they were sorted.  
James hadn't even bothered, throwing on his Gryffindor tie over a t-shirt.  
Albus was the only one in full house attire (apart from Scorpius and I), proudly sporting his Gryffindor tie and robes.  
"Hey, guys, look at this!" James sat down and pulled out a blank piece of parchment from his backpack.  
"I found it in Dad's study. He kept it in a locked drawer, so I know it's valuable." He leaned in as he said this, probably feeling like he was showing us government secrets.  
"What does it do?!" Lily asked, and then James leaned back, ruffled his hair, and declared,  
"I have no idea."

We all sat for a moment, in the anti-climax, until Albus turned to me.  
"Rose! You're smart, right?! Like, even though you're Hufflepuff? Can you see what it is?"  
I sighed, took the parchment from James and fished my wand out of my robes.  
"Umm… Altus Revelio."  
Everyone leaned in closer once more, and suddenly writing appeared on the page, in a boy-ish scrawl:

Mr Mooney wants to inquire to whom he is being asked to show his secrets?

Everyone looked at me, expectantly.  
"Rose Weasley?" I say, my voice making it sound like a question.

Ah, a Weasley. We like your stock, but you're still not getting in!

Then another message appeared, in a penmanship so bad I had to squint to read it.

Mr Prongs would like to kindly ask Miss Weasley to step away from the paper before her, and forget it ever existed.

And then, another line, this one in rounder handwriting.

Mr Padfoot would like to ask how a Weasley got hold of our masterpiece?

I looked up at James.  
"Padfoot? Isn't that the name of your dog?"  
"Yeah, but dad chose it. I don't know why." James replied.

And then this appeared, in yet ANOTHER handwriting,

Mr Wormtail thinks Miss Weasley should give the paper back to Mr Filch (it was confiscated last I checked)

Then the messages all faded away, leaving us with once again blank paper.  
"Well, that was interesting." Albus said sarcastically as the train began to slow down.  
"Come on!" I rushed everyone out, me being the oldest besides James, who acted like he was twelve anyway.  
After everyone was off, and I checked they had all their things, I left Hugo and Lily in the safe hands of Hagrid.  
James yelled after them, "HOPE THE GIANT SQUID ISN'T HUNGRY TODAY!"  
Hugo screamed.  
And so another year began.


	4. The Sorting Hat Makes a Mistake

Scorpius

When we entered the Great Hall, I waved goodbye to my friends as I sat down with by BEST FRIENDS 5EVA (dat's moar dan 4eva), the Slytherins.  
I am assuming they gave me evil looks, but considering I didn't give a crap, I just looked around at the hall.  
Albus and James were wreaking havoc at the Gryffindor table, playing catch with Weasley's Wizard Wheezes fireworks. The only problem was there were about ten second-years in the way, all screaming when the flaming squirrel (not a real one, geez, PETA. A firework!) flew over their heads.  
At Hufflepuff table, everyone was having a good time, jovially talking with smiles on their faces. Rose was talking to a newly-made prefect in the year above us, no doubt congratulating her on her amazing achievement.  
On the other side of me, lay the Ravenclaw table, the only house that looked to be having even less fun than me. (And I was surrounded by thugs who probably wanted to kill me.)  
They sat, making polite conversation in bored tones. Only one group seemed to be enthusiastic, a group of third-years all gathered around one bespectacled boy holding many sheets of paper and a calculator.  
With no one interesting left, my gaze wandered to the ceiling. It was, as always, showing the sky, and tonight it was clear and you could see every constellation.  
Just as I began to get bored, Professor Guild stood up, and everyone became silent. (Except James, who was still playing with the firework.)  
The big doors at the end of the hall opened, and all the first-years walked in, including Hugo and Lily, who were standing next to each other looking terrified.  
"Hello, new students, and welcome back old ones," Guild began. "Before we move on to the Sorting, I would like to go over a change in the staffing."  
A buzz whirred around the room. Who had left, and who would replace them? I hoped beyond hope the Binns had left, but since even death couldn't keep him away, I knew I was being stupid.  
Professor Pludling had been the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher last year, and so naturally everyone assumed he had left. When I looked at the table, though, he was still there, sweaty and sour-faced as ever.  
Before I could look at any of the other teachers, Guild continued, "Taking the place of Professor Valentine, we have Mister Frank Fortuna, here to be out Potions Master."  
I groaned, as did everyone in the hall.  
Valentine had been an _amazing_ teacher. She didn't value one house or student over the others, and the managed to get me through my exams last year even though I am kind of awful at Potions. And she was always there for guidance when you had a problem. And, well… she wasn't exactly ugly.  
The new guy, Fortuna, was… well, not to judge on first impressions but… he didn't look like a Valentine. He was old, and balding, and he wore Muggle clothing. Like, actual Muggle clothing, not wizards who are pretending to be Muggles but end up looking like people who escaped from the asylum and fell in an Oxfam shop.  
Then Guild raised her hand for silence, and it fell once more.  
"And now, on with the Sorting!"  
A tiny little boy( Addams, Steve) who I would have guessed was about six, was put in Ravenclaw, where he was greeted with a handshake.  
Ellie Armet was a Slytherin, and I sized her up. She was small, but had a certain shrewd look about her that made me not want to turn my back. She sat down opposite me, and Zabini fist-bumped her.  
I stopped listening to the names, then, but looked up every time a Slytherin joined us. My ears pricked up when "Potter, Lily" was called.  
Little Lily walked up the steps, slowly, her legs visibly shaking from here, and carefully sat down. When Guild put the hat on her, it took a few minutes, until it gave, "Gryffindor!"  
At this, Lily slumped in her seat a little, and sombrely walked over to the Gryffindor table, where Albus thumped her on the back and smiled, but she seemed slightly sad.  
At the end of the Sorting, as always, came the Weasley.  
Hugo sauntered up to the podium and put the hat on himself. Then, almost straight away, the hat yelled out, "SLYTHERIN!"  
Then Hugo paled. I could sense what was coming, even though I'd never been present to experience one. Rose had told me all about them.  
Hugo was about to have a midget rage.


	5. A Rage (And a Required Room)

Rose

As soon as the word 'Slytherin' had left the Sorting Hat's folds, I knew we were in for one.  
There have been only four other reported sightings of a Rage Hugo.  
Once, when he was three and I stole his toy broomstick.  
Once, when Stewart Greengrass had called Hugo's friend, Amy, a 'mud blood'. (It was so sweet!)  
I wasn't present for the third, but it ended with a block of London flats turning into mashed potatoes.  
And the last time was two months ago, when James had transfigured Hugo's room into a muggle room, and all of his stuff into muggle stuff, and tried to convince him that he was a muggle and that magic was his imagination.  
So, you could say I knew what to expect from this.  
But you are wrong.  
Hugo's face went from pale to beetroot red faster than traffic lights, and his face screwed up.  
"I. AM. NOT. A. SLYTHERIN!" he yelled, loud enough to silence the whole hall. He then proceeded to grab the Sorting Hat and throw it out of the open window.  
He ran along the middle of the hall and back towards the large doors at the end. Shoving them open with great force, he stormed out of the hall.  
For a minute all was silent, stunned faces staring either at the doors, or the Sorting Hat, and quite a few people looked at _me_.  
I mean, I'm not responsible for Hugo's rages! I _told_ him to stop obsessing over Gryffindor.  
Professor Guild looked shaken, but did her best to hide it as she continued.  
"Well, on with the feast!"  
I decided I simply couldn't leave Hugo alone, even though I was starving. So I leaned over to Albus and told him I was going to find Hugo, then left.  
I opened the doors to the front hall and then realised I had no idea where the frak I was going to look for him. I heard footsteps behind me and turned to see Scorpius.  
"We'd better begin." he said grimly.  
After about two hours of scouring Hogwarts, we found nothing. The school's a big place, with tons of secrets and I'm pretty sure in two YEARS we couldn't have found everything.  
Eventually, Scorpius and I slumped down next to a wall, exhausted. We'd been climbing up and down seven floors, with only a few chocolate frogs to keep us from collapsing.  
Suddenly the cold stone beneath my back turned warmer and changes texture. I looked, and where there had been a blank wall, was a door.  
"Scorpius?" I looked in awe at the door, even though I'd had like fifteen years to get used to magic.  
"Yeah, what is- WOAH."  
Apparently, it wasn't just me who was amazed at this.  
"Well then, let's go in!" Scorpius rubbed his hands together, but I hesitated.  
"What is it? Shouldn't we ask someone? Or at least tell them where we're going!"  
Scorpius looked at me with a _oh my god you're such a stick-in-the-mud_ face, then he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the room.

What I saw, I had to admit, was probably the coolest thing I had ever seen. (And I'm related to George Weasley)  
There was a giant feast laid out on a table with two seats, and a fire blazing on our right.  
At the far end of the room there were two bunk beds.  
I looked at Scorpius, and he looked at me. Suddenly he grinned.  
"I think we've found Hugo." He said, and ran back out the room.  
I followed and shivered as we left the warm room for the drafty seventh-floor corridor.  
"What are you on about?"  
"This is the Room of Requirement!" Scorpius said, and I stared blankly. He seemed disappointed that I didn't understand what he was talking about.  
"You know… where they trained Dumbledore's Army back in the day? You're parents were in it!"  
I just blinked.  
"Ugh, the room gives you whatever you need. We needed food and sleep, so we got that. When your parents and Harry Potter needed a place to train the DA, they got a badass training place with dummies and boggarts and -OOH they had this really cool- wait, no sorry I'm rambling. My point is, I figure if we ask for a Gryffindor room, we'll find your brother."  
Oh my god, he's adorable when he rambles!  
"Worth a shot." I said, and he once more took my hand. With my free one, I pushed a book called _Come and Go: the Required Room_ further into my schoolbag.


End file.
